Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
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i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
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Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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