This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
