i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
