Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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