You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
