There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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