It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
