apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
