Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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