isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
