You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
