someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
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its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
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This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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