Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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