Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
