Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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