My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
