I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
