Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize