lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
