Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
from now on my penis is your penis
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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