What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
