I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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