I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
