I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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