You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If I die, sorry about rent.
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