they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
