he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
