Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
