Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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