Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
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Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
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Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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