Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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