I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
