I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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