also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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