after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
