I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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