i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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