Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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