shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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