I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
