No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
