shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
