sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
