you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?