Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
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If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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