We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.