Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried

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  (908): i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried http://tfl.nu/sini
  Replies (38) Good night (1920) Bad night (7639) Order T-Shirt
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  (530): View more from California

  you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"

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  (530): you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars" http://tfl.nu/ujcf
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  (516): View more from New York

  Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.

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  (516): Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning. http://tfl.nu/lzds
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.

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  (303): But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you. http://tfl.nu/unr3
  Replies (10) Good night (4705) Bad night (820)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out

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  (256): its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out http://tfl.nu/ng5c
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.

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  (617): Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental. http://tfl.nu/3u9w
  Replies (4) Good night (942) Bad night (1559) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her

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  (847): In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her http://tfl.nu/qgyz
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."

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  (215): What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller." http://tfl.nu/x4em
  Replies (21) Good night (2775) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.

  (1-740): View more from Ohio

  When in doubt always reply with bacon.

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  (740): Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon. (1-740): When in doubt always reply with bacon. http://tfl.nu/8s4u
  Replies (18) Good night (2664) Bad night (427)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.

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  (610): And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting. http://tfl.nu/51mm
  Replies (10) Good night (504) Bad night (1334) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.

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  (850): The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud. http://tfl.nu/iki6
  Replies (8) Good night (1006) Bad night (272) Order T-Shirt
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.

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  (563): I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud. http://tfl.nu/0vsx
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there

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  (803): Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there http://tfl.nu/i0xr
  Replies (4) Good night (601) Bad night (276) Order T-Shirt
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  (562): View more from California

  Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.

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  (562): Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight. http://tfl.nu/c5kp
  Replies (4) Good night (585) Bad night (282) Order T-Shirt
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.

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  (616): sex on the stairs. not our finest idea. http://tfl.nu/6x8t
  Replies (6) Good night (495) Bad night (237) Order T-Shirt

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