I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
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you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
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They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising