please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Is Oprah even human
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
