I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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