im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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