i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
