I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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