gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
