I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
