I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
