Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
