My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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