i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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