Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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