my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
