I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
