I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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